She Bop*

There is something that women do but don’t talk about. No, I don’t mean laundry! I mean masturbation. Why do most women get all shy and quiet when the subject is brought up? Why do they get upset when they catch their boyfriends doing it? Studies tell us that men masturbate even when in the middle of a satisfying relationship. They do it because they’re alone, in a hurry, or just too tired to go through the whole seduction-foreplay-her orgasm-his orgasm script. Not because he’d rather play with himself than you. The same thing is true for women.

There are tons of names for male masturbation from “dating the palm sisters” to “choking the chicken”. Men even use masturbation as a term of derision such as “he’s such a jerk off” or “you wanker!” What do women call their masturbation, beside masturbation? The only term I’ve ever heard is “diddling”. Shouting “You diddler!” at someone who has pissed us off hardly makes the same impression as the male version.

Men are so...um... attached to their genitals they name them. From Elvis’ “Little E” to Robin Williams’ “One Eyed Python of Love” men have a relationship with their sex organs that women just don’t have. It’s almost as if when not in use as part of a twosome, women’s genitals don’t exist.

Masturbation as a gift I give myself. I don’t need anybody else’s permission or help. I’m not tied to anybody else’s busy schedule. I don’t even have to clean my apartment before I do it -- which is a real plus for me! It’s quick, it’s easy and no one is going to ask me, “Was it good for you?” afterwards. I once read that forty- percent of women can’t point out their own clitoris. I pride myself in knowing where my clit is at all times. I like to think we have an agreement, if I don’t ignore it, it won’t move out on me.

Masturbation also gives us permission to explore our fantasies in a safe, non-judgmental environment. We can think about whatever turns us on without censoring it for someone else. We can fantasize being fondled by an entire football team if we want to.

Auto-stimulation gives you control over your own body and it’s reactions. We should consider self love as a warm up for our play with others. Maybe then we’ll learn that masturbation is not dirty, unclean or pathetic. We should consider it as a valid form of sexual release and exploration. Class dismissed. Don’t forget to do your homework.

*I called this piece (which I wrote 15 years ago)  She Bop in honor of the Cyndi Lauper song. I've got a lot of respect for a woman who can get a song about female masturbation in the Top 10. Don't believe me? Watch the video: